Saturday, October 19, 2013

The Slaughter House Four; Horror Story Villains At Their Finest

It's getting close to Halloween which means plenty of scary movies to fill up my evenings. I love horror movies almost as much as I love the characters that bring them to life. Being strange and whatnot, I categorize my the films into five different types of madmen; you have your psychotic masterminds, then the strong and silent ones, also the children who seem to be from the deepest caverns of despair, and the great and wonderful bumpkins from the backwoods.

1.  Those Estranged Ones With PhDs
My favorite horror sub-genre, the ones that really speak to my inner maniac. Dr. Lecter, portrayed best by Anthony Hopkins, is by far the best example of a highly intellectual loon. (And my favorite one at that...) He is a renowned psychiatrist, with a heart-renching childhood that would explain and somewhat support his psychotic tendencies that pertain to his meal choices. Who doesn't enjoy an eloquent plot line featuring a smooth-talking cannibal? Not only are the films very entertaining, but I am hoping that the novels are just as lovely--I am waiting for Half Price Books to have a copy of Silence Of The Lambs. 

2. Silent But Deadly
If you did not immediately think of Jason Voorhees or Michael Myers, then we need to have a heart-to-heart about what movies you should be watching. These two iconic slasher stars never utter a sound during their films; strange but effective. Can you imagine the dialogue? No. Because the fact that they do not take the time to babble about why they are about to end your life makes them all the more frightening. I mean, they do not even acknowledge the fact that they are about to gouge your organs from your chest. And their masks! Oh the masks! The definition of fear is a blood-stained hockey mask. Very impressive screenwriters. Very impressive...

3. Corn Kids, and the Like
They do not have to be in corn to qualify as "corn kids"--my mother has been referring to me as one for years-- but also anyone named Damian, or orphans who seem too sad and needy; ones who always appear when a building mysteriously burns down, etc. They scare me more than any other "villain"; not only because I have an irrational fear of children, but they just seem more violent in a sneaky manor. They are the ones who usually stab people whilst asleep, or worship a plant that tells them to sacrifice adults for their salvation. Shifty little things, never trust someone under five feet tall.

4. The Hills May Have Eyes, But He May Be Missing One
These are the least fun of horror movies--as in I only experience these when I am attempting to spend time with other monstrosities around my age--because there is no rhyme or reason for the blood and limbs that are scattered throughout the settings of these films. The guys who star in these two-hour intervals of "relations", then stabbing, then some more "relations", then someone prevails to kill the toothless wonder with an icepick. These were not meant to be viewed by the public, and yet they seem to be the most popular. Pop culture, why can I not understand you?

So, no, these do not categorize every scary flick out there; ghosts and aliens and vampires and werewolves. Those are the better side of horror, I prefer the ugly step-sister that is full of fake blood and incompetent policemen. It's like choosing a greasy cheeseburger over a nice steak, I am aware, but old habits die hard.



Jordan Dane said...

Okay, sista. You need to add a category for Alien/Non-human entities to cover the best scare flick of all time - ALIEN. This category could also have creepy dolls or Chuckie. Thanks for putting me in the mood for Halloween, Corn Child.


Jordan Dane said...

Forgot to add, if you like Hannibal Lecter, you should catch the first season of HANNIBAL on NBC before season 2 starts. It has an interesting premise based on Richard Harris's Red Dragon book. OMG, stunning imagery, very creepy and well acted. I am addicted to this show.

Ilsa said...

You know, I have to say that ALIEN still is, hands down, my favorite scary movie. Unless you count BLAIR WITCH PROJECT, which was brilliantly executed. But . . . on the whole, I don't tend to scare easy.

Jordan, I'll look into HANNIBAL, but . . . I dunno. I like creepy, though.

Jordan Dane said...

Hannibal is a stunning horror show with man candy. What's not to love? Delicious!