Saturday, November 2, 2013

Requiem Of A Nightmare.




There is a fever building inside of me. I can feel it building in my head, words rolling like an oncoming storm I can't run from. I force my eyes open to try to keep the flood of images assaulting my mind at bay to no avail. I don't want to see what I know is about to happen. I want to pretend that the words that have been penned down are forever and the end is just a nightmare I can't escape from.

The world of creativity is closing its once open doors to me until I give in to what the muses have thrown at me. I want to say no to them, but I know they are right. It is time to say goodbye to characters my heart holds so dearly. It is time to write their last words and imagine that once I am done their live will continue. I imagine grand-children and weddings. Car-wrecks and anniversarys. But not for me. For me it is time to part with my beloved friends. It is time I give them the freedom to run their own lives.

But it hurts. It hurts to say goodbye and end a story. I can see it so vividly though, the colors clashing violently with one another, the sounds that are fighting for dominion in my ears. I can feel the thick air of the last page trying to choke me with desperation and pleas for it not to be over.

It is a bittersweet romance with words I have found my self falling into. They caress my soul with the tenderest of touches, letting me know they are always their to comfort, and love me. But then towards the end of writing a novel the caress becomes a vice grip, a worry that I share. Is this about to be over? Must we say goodbye?

Someone once told me if you love something set it free. And maybe I am incredibly selfish but I find it ever so hard to do so. I want to crawl into the warm expanse of endless words and paragraphs and lay beneath the same sun my protagonist is seeing. But I don't. I am tell them this is the end. It is over for now.

Our entangled lives need to part so we can continue our journey. But an ache develops inside of my chest, how can I say it's over? How can I possibly bear to leave this magical world that holds such beauty?

I am not throwing our time together away, but rather cherishing the moments shared and knowing when to say goodbye. I will always love my characters and the adventures that brought us together whether it has been tears of laughter, rage or depression. We have made it through battles and fought together when the wind carried plot devices even I didn't realize was coming.

The nightmare is over, I have awakened and yet the requiem plays on. My journey with Voda has ended and through my tears I can somehow make out a new adventure resting just over the horizon.

Lexi Brady


Anonymous said...

Wow! I love this post, this is exactly what I feel when I finish a story.

Karen said...

Beautiful! Sad, poignant, bittersweet. I know the feelings exactly, having felt them myself, and you encased them with words, honey-pungent, a reluctant pill to swallow. Yet of course it must be done--all things come to an end, or at least our part in them. We can only take solace in knowing they live on, indeed, as we imagine they do, even if we are not there to see them.

They will always have our love.

Jordan Dane said...

Exactly. You nailed it. Ending a book is bittersweet. Hugs, Lex.