Tuesday, January 7, 2014

Sticks And Stones.

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Hey everyone! I can't believe I haven't posted since LAST YEAR. How time flies. :)

The new year is like the moon hanging low over our heads showing us promise and potential for the days to come. The new year can come as a new beginning for some, for others the new year is just something to mark the time.

Sticks And Stones May Break My Bones, But Words May Never Hurt Me.

The world we live in is a social one, filled with humans trying to connect to one another on some level, and through social media and social networks we have been able to connect to people we otherwise would never had come in contact with, it's really a beautiful thing.


Oh what a word.

From the time we are little we are taught that beauty brings praise, and with praise comes pride in ourselves. So why would we not wish to be beautiful? 

I used to look in the mirror and see my cheekbones, my eyes, I saw the pink of my lips and the curve of my jaw. But I couldn't see myself. No matter how hard I tried when I  looked to see my reflection I just saw a rough draft. An outline of things I wanted to see, but could not find.

Ideals and expectations are thrown out into the air, air all of us so readily breathe. At some point we choke on the air as our bodies realize it is full of poison. Beauty has become a look rather than a sense of self and happiness. Beauty has come to mean how straight and white someone's smile is instead of how real and wonderful they are.

Which is one of the reasons I found such solace in books. Because as you read you aren't seeing the heroes face, you are hearing his voice. You don't care about what they are wearing, or if they are wearing makeup. Because that simply doesn't matter. Instead you are finding strength in their courage, you are laughing as they laugh. You don't see them. You don't see their journey. You feel it. You can feel their soul pushing against yours, touching you in a way that marks you for the better.

Reading shows us the power of words, the forgiveness hidden in a smile. Reading connect you to yourself in a magical way. Reading empowers you to embrace your 'imperfections' and smile when times get tough. The heroes and heroines of our favorite tales brighten our lives as we go along their journey

I wish I could turn my head away from societies forceful thoughts, but it has become ingrained in the way we speak, words turning on our tongues things that sting like a wasp later on that night when it's just you in the dark of your room. Gay. Fat. Loser. Ugly. Whore. Stupid. Crazy. Words haunt the eclipse of my mind as I try to fall asleep. Words that hurt me and others, digging beneath the skin of my body and writing themselves on my bones, tattoo's I would never have asked for but have acquired through your eyes.

You can feel judgement running down your back as you stand beneath the rain, trying to wash away all sad thoughts but the rain is stuck in the same never ending cycle as we are. Thoughts collecting together rising into the air quietly, and then before you know it it is to late and a storm is beating against our heads. I can't tell if it's trying to wake us up from the way we are living, or if it's just causing our shoulders to curl, in an effort to hide from you. From ourselves.

We have quickly become our own worst enemies, judging others with our expectations of ourselves and voicing them, teaching the ones who look up to us the same behavior. As we look in the mirror and disparage over our reflection we are showing our siblings, our children, our friends that we are not of worth. We are teaching them that the only worth that matters is of superficial origins.

Sticks and stones may break my bones but words may never hurt me.....

I remember hearing that as a child and trusting it as the absolute truth. How could words hurt you? How could they beat you down with a power greater than any fist? How could words leave bruises, stains of your pain on your body?

I am not beautiful.

I am not thin.

I am not intelligent.

I am not what you see.

I am not an unfinished reflection.

I do not want to be.

Words haunt and hurt my mind, meddling with my thoughts until my soul is beared and taking each blow with little dignity.

But then words heal. Words wrap themselves around wounds that lie far beneath the surface of my skin. Words give me comfort and hope. 

I am a force of hapiness.

I am strong.

I am still learning and doubt I will ever be done.

I am more than what you eyes tell you.

I have stepped away from the mirror, turned my back on the outline I know I will find there. I have closed my eyes and upon re-opening them I have seen myself. I am funny, and awkward. I am more than just a rain drop, collecting the thoughts of others until I can't recognize my own voice.

We are beings or greatness.

I am a soul in flight, finding a home in words that I can not touch but that touch me. 
You are light, brighter than the sun and more powerful than the pull of the moon. You are not beautiful. You are so, so much more.

Make 2014 your year. Not by changing who you are, but by embracing yourself.

You guys rock my socks off. <3 <3

LLAP my loves.



Anonymous said...

Very well said. I knew a woman once, Dora, who used that term "sticks and stones" very often and lived by them! I enjoy reading your blogs Lexi. You have a talent to capture the reader. Thank you for that.

Jordan Dane said...

Great first post, Lex. Love this. Happy 2014!