What Authors Do When Their Brains Freeze!

Jordan Dane
@JordanDane

Okay, I'll admit that this isn't my most fruitful blog post. It serves no purpose, except to warn of the possibility of a Zombie-pocalypse. It's better to be safe than sorry. 

My sister and one of my nephews are big fans of The Walking Dead. In AMC's hit TV show, zombies are called "Walkers." I haven't seen the show, sorry to say, but I have good intentions. Once I heard about their "Dead Yourself" app, I had to try it and downloaded it to my cell phone. (Insert eye roll here.) You can take a photo of someone you want to turn into a horrible monster, or alter a copy of a photo you already have. Did I mention that when an author's brain freezes, sanity and common sense go out the window?

Here is my older brother. I know you're wondering. Why is he wearing that hat? Yeah, you guessed it. It's his birthday. Maybe dead Zombies should forfeit their birthdays in favor of calling them Decomp-Days to commemorate how long they have before their skin peels off like a good old fashioned snake shed. If you have a better name for it, chime in with a comment.

Beliw and on the left is my sister - The Walker Queen. Nice smile and she still has her own teeth. Next to her is my sweet little mother and my niece who used to crave fajitas. Now all she talks about is brain burritos. If you have a good recipe for brains, I'm sure she would appreciate you sharing it in a comment, even though she is perfectly happy with Brain-sashimi. Have soy will travel.

Here is my handsome nephew Miquel. What's that on his hand? yeah, you guessed it. His college graduation ring. He's so proud. In his other hand is his old roommate. We can't talk about that. Therapist's orders.

Finally there is me. My new author photo. I had to update it, especially after...well, you know...my change in hair color. Getting old sucks, but now I don't have to worry about it. Being dead solves a lot of problems, like lactose intolerance, paying taxes, and worrying over every wrinkle. When your skin peels off, wrinkles don't seem so bad.

 

Seeing my transformation now should make the big Zombie-pocalypse easier to handle. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Surviving the Zombiepocalypse, ADR3NALIN3 style...

by Hans (translated by Franz)

Hans: UUUGG GGRRRRR ug OOOOOR RAAAAAAARR UG GRRRR ROOOOORRR RAAARRR ugg raaaaar RAAARR ROOOOORR uuuggg raaaaaarr rooooorr GRRRRR UUURRRG OOR grrrrr raarrr grrr!!!

Franz: Whilst looking online for brain recipes, Hans stumbled upon a very helpful "How To" video made by the talented fellows at Bad Idea Films. He'd like to share these useful tips for those of our readers who wish to keep their brains intact should a zombie infestation occur within their neighborhood. View at your leisure (but please don't wait until you hear the clawing upon your windows and doors ... that's a bit too late).

Hans: UUG rooorrr raaaaarr RAAAAAAR AHHHH roooorr braaiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnss roooorr ahh uuug AAHHHHH UURRRG ROOOOORRR!!!

Franz: And because Hans is feeling generous this weekend, he'll share one last tip with you. It is a well known fact that zombies like fat, pink brains. But, it is less common knowledge that feeding the brain with books and cheetos makes it healthy, lean, and orange. So by being well-read and cheeto-fed, you're already one step ahead of your neighbors.

Hans: uugg GGRRRRR uggg ooooor AAHHHH UUURRG RAAAAAARR?!?! UUUGG GGRRRRR ug OOOOOR!!!

Franz: You say you're short on books and orange cheesey snacks? You're in luck, for our authors here at ADR3NALIN3 have asembled this marvelous gift bundle chock full of everything you need for a healthy, orange brain:

 Franz: As Hans is now busy gnawing on a stale toe he fished from the cookie jar, perhaps I should be the one to tell you about the prize package. Or better yet, I'll keep you guessing. Watch our blog posts ... details on how to win it will be forthcoming very soon. Have a grand weekend, and don't forget -- a book a day, keeps the zombies at bay. Farewell, happy readers!

*****

For more information on the creative geniuses behind the featured video, or to see more of their work, please visit Bad Idea Films at their YouTube channel.